Swan (a Five-Minute Play for Twins Who Don't Have Their Other Twin With Them and An Unlimited Supply of Animals)

Swan: (holding up a detached finger) Is this yours?

Twin: No.

Swan: Are you sure? It’s scorching hot.

(Twin thinks. Twin extracts a stack of 3” x 5” index cards from own pants pocket. Twin adeptly leafs through each card in the stack for three and five-quarter minutes. Twin arrives at a card and gasps.)

Twin: It’s not a finger after all! It’s a swan from Saturn! That’s what they look like.

Swan: A swan? Can it be? I have waited my whole life to fall in love. But… why is it so hot?

(Twin wonders. Twin resumes flipping through his stack of index cards. For one-half minutes. Upon encountering the final card, Twin once again exhibits great shock and bewilderment.)

Twin: Our Saturnian swan is not hot in the least! It’s applauding! That is part of its peculiar nature.

Swan: And you’re sure it’s not just a dismembered finger which has, until now, been basking in extreme sunlight?

(Twin tucks the deck of cards back into his pocket. The swan—along with any audience members seated nearest the actors—immediately notes the embroidered letters on Twin’s pocket which read: Interstellar Swan Knowledge Banks (A Temporary Housing Facility).)

Twin: You see, the rest of Dr. Starr’s assets are tied up in probate.

Swan: What luck.