I Must Make Things Right

I cannot just stand idly by!

I have heard some things about how inaccurate Wikipedia can be. We’ve all heard things. Who hasn’t. I mean things get mixed up sometimes. Big deal. It’s fine to make mistakes, especially when it’s for the good of all mankind. Shoot, I’ve made some mistakes.

But it’s one thing to hear about Wikipedia while standing on a dock, far off across the hazy bay. In my life, however, I struggle with Wikipedia on a daily basis now that they’re trying to make a page about me. I’m not going to point out any specific pages because this would only propagate such handsome lies right into the innocent bonnets of babes.

I contend that there is no reason for me to be listed in Wikipedia, that I have never done anything in my life, and that anything listed is false anyway! Some may say, “Well, what exactly is wrong? The dates? The places?” To this, I shake my head. To explain this unique situation would only play right into Wikipedia’s hands! My dear, dear, inquisitive friend, there are some things that Wikipedia cannot explain. The technology is just not there yet.

So I am trying to tidy this up and have produced this greasemonkey script which begins my effort to make things right. This script will do three things:

1. It fixes the entry on Wikipedia which points here.
2. It adds an entry related to Ms. Rachel McAdams, who takes my mail. She is not the actress Rachel McAdams, so I have had to take some extra time to cook up a disambiguation page.
3. While I was in the vicinity, I fixed a few incorrect items on Rachel McAdams’ (the actress) page which I happened to know off-hand. Let’s save her the trouble of writing this exact same message on her blog.
4. It adds a brief mention of this script and its importance on the Greasemonkey home page.

So, this is all just to say: I have learned first-hand that the things written on Wikipedia are patently false. That everything written is the invention of a palsied mind, a collective mind of an errant swarm of wasp-like encyclopedia enthusiasts whose only carnal pleasure is stinging the hell out of encyclopedia pages (with their stingers) until those pages are saturated in diseased information which infects the underprivileged classes of man who cannot afford to purchase hardbound copies of standard reference books and atlases, all of which comes with a set of evenly-spaced, tasseled and professional-looking ribbon bookmarks.

I don’t want to get into a bunch of personal attacks. There is plenty of time for that later. For now, let’s keep this simple. I am right here. I offer all the information anyone could ever want on the topic of me.