What Have the Geeks Done to Jesus?

Jesus Character Sheet An RPG-based spoof. Nice idea, not great. Jesus comes back as some kind of Highlander who blesses automatic weapons and climbs Mount Everest, etc. Sheet comes with a couple of great quotes to be used in gameplay I guess.

“I’m back, Judas.”

“Look, Judas, take this seriously, okay? I need somebody handy with a gun and the Holy Ghost. I need you. Please?”

“This time I’m like rock and roll. I’m here to stay.”

I love it when people write and say whatever they want. Same thing goes for the non-spoof. Christian RPG, the “original, free-form, play-per-post, massively-multiplayer online Christian role-playing game site. This is the only place where you can use your imagine and play Christian RPG versions of different universes as listed below.” Players create threads, roughly describe the world, then just start cobbling together stories.

Here’s a world. CPF: Christian Peace/Protection Force.

As a member fo the CPF, it is your job to protect the world from what law enforcement never finds out about… covert kiddnappings, attempted assassinations, defusing bombs that are set off by insane criminals, etc. CPF moves swiftly, kills no one, and leaves no trace.

Every week, I will post a new situation for CPF agents to diffuse. Until this sunday, the situation is this:

Terrorists have taken over a forty section apartment complex in Grenada, and are sacfrificing victims to their pagan gods every thirty minutes. A CPF Team known as team Alpha rescued their first victim, but Alpha needs reinforcments…

Let’s join the action on page two. From Megachihuahua:

Chub Steak is on an alter, about to have his beating heart ripped out by “terrorists” who were actually just nuts dressed like aztecs. He was uncomfortable, as the alter was just a desk with a flat stone on it. He was quite embarresed about being captured, though he was proud that he had been able to thrice used his “non-lethal” tranquilizer darts to admister lethal amounts of seditive.

As his captor raised his obsidian dagger, Chub turned his head away, to face the window. And he saw someone move, which he could only hope to be his resquers.

Then, Legolas the Jedi Master chimes in:

Mike jumped kicked the window and burst thru, the startled “priest” droped the dagger barley missing Chub. Mike pulled out a ball like thing and threw it at the “priest”. when it made contact it wraped around him. Mike graped the dagger and cut Chub lose then put the dagger in his belt. “go thru the window and use this to protect you.” he handed him a dart gun, then turned to face the terrorists.

One hour and thirty-nine minutes later, mister-fett posts:

“I think the person about to be sacrificed is the final member of Alpha team!” Either that, thought Terry, or it was Chub Steak, a rogue who had been kicked out of CPF for using deadly force.

Megachihuahua:

“Humph, I should learn Hebrew and join the Isreali special forces.” With that, Chub jumps out of the window, and he is done until the next adventure.

And Legolas cleans up:

Mike rolled his eyes and shot the rest of the preists with knock out darts then tied them up. “okay its all wraped up here.” Mike said into his mike

Chub totally comes back later to sabotage the CPF’s mission to seize control of the hijacked USS Freedom. And you get to hear some of Chub’s backstory. About the mad monk that nearly took his life and his respect for the Israelis. You really get a sense for why he’s so righteously ruthless.