Leo Helps Thirty Million Kids

So don't let your kid go unhelped!

I don’t know how Leo of the Light fits into this mummy business, but I smell an angle. My problem is that I don’t know if mummies and pure white light are enemies. I guess mummification could really just be another tool for one with psychic abilities.

As seen on Bifurcated Rivets, Leo is the human component of Psychic Kids outer space adventures and mini-posters. Whereas Mummies.Kids is shooting for needy younger kids still in the throes of a stuffed animal fixation, Leo is definitely targeting teens by enthralling their imaginations and filling their young minds with action footage of Prince Leopold out fighting aliens and dethroning darkness. I can only presume he does this by opening a window or cracking a door.

What Leo of the Light saw and heard was considered to be imagination by most people, but Leo knew that it was real. And, when Leo saw a monster or alien being in another dimension, he stood up to it and showed it that he wasn’t afraid. That was very unusual for those negative beings, who were used to scaring everybody into doing whatever they wanted them to do.

What made Leo so different was that he trusted in his spirit and the power of the pure white Light of the Universe. Leo of the Light believed in himself so much that he wasn’t afraid and he grew stronger and more clever every day in dealing with the aliens and monsters.

My favorite thing about Leo is that he’s a celebrity as well. And being a celebrity AND a psychic spiritual warrior gives him an all-access pass to basically every major event on both sides of reality. Prime example: Pope John Paul II’s spirit’s quest to become the most famous spirit ever!!

Last week, to my surprise, I had a visit from a spirit that said that it had had enough, and that it wanted help to surpass the limitations placed on it by its human form. The spirit told me that I had written a letter to its body over 16 years ago, in which I had offered my services, but that its body had answered me with the Golden Silence. Right away I knew that it was Pope John Paul II’s original spirit.

Okay, here’s where he gets some of the footwork done and signs an accord with the delegates from a few galaxies that live in constant darkness and woe.

The Pope’s spirit asked me if I would request approval to take such action on its behalf from the leader or council of its original planet. When I talked to the council of the Pope’s original spiritual race, they told me that they had been watching me for a long time. They said they would agree to the Pope’s spirit’s request, if I were to allow their entire star system which consists of many planets to enter the Light. In turn, I told them that I would have to consult with the Light Council with whom I work. Soon an agreement was reached to train the spirits of the entire race in the dimensional school that I have created.

When I told the Pope’s spirit that an agreement had been reached, it told me that it wanted to be the most famous spirit ever. However, it said that it realized that it would need to find a suitable human host in which it could exist for the purpose of removing its karmic debt. I said that I would help it find someone who was willing to do all the necessary spiritual work.

So, keep your eyes on craigslist. This is a great opportunity if you’ve sold your soul to the devil and can’t scrounge up a replacement.

Here’s your free mini-poster:

The highlight of the entire site, though, is the Alien Interviews. These are candid interviews with leaders of alien species shortly after Leo has battled with them and dazzled them with Light.

I honestly don’t know how he booked this interview with The Dionik Leader Stationed in the Vargon System. According the the Dionik Leader, his species is good at orgies. But they are even better at organizing and catering orgies for other species.

When I was almost 9 years old, I was chased by a large alien with red eyes who told me: “You can never defeat me or my race, for we are infinite!” I had bravely responded: “Then I’ll create an infinite tool to defeat you and your entire race!” And that was how we had left it, until he attacked me in 1986.

LEO: Why do you remain hidden in higher dimensions?

DIONIK LEADER: Quite some time ago, we were condemned on your planet for our great liking for group mating procedures. Being such keen accumulators of energy, we were favored by the Entosh (ape-like aliens) for our great skill in organizing such activities. We had to stay hidden in higher dimensions because a rumor was started that we were to be seen as the ‘Devil,’ and that no one should give in to our temptations. Then we had to hide our activities in the higher dimensions.

And then Dionik Leader tipped his head to one side and discreetly uttered to Leo, “Now, come with me. Come join my orgy. IN THE SIXTH DIMENSION!!”

(Aside: I will be VERY interested to see if I am tormented all this week by phantasms. If Leo’s pristine white ape comes charging down my biking trail, I will be sure to have my cameraphone along.)

See also: Lost a Head and Gained a World, Freshly Squeezed by Phantom Hands.