The Best Things

Collect Them All!

I’ve learned that the universe is full of things. Wow, is it ever!! But sometimes it can be difficult to get all your favorite things in one place.

As a hot and upcoming freelance professor, I have acquired a real fascination for some of the universe’s things. Eagles, orcas, the Cascades, the Milky Way, poppies, orchids and other things. Unfortunately, these things are all spread out. The orcas refuse to jump over a Milky Way of orchids. And the Cascades never mount a convocation of eagles and commence spraying a stream of poppies across a magnificent starscape!

These things don’t happen in reality. And, frankly, it sucks to have to tell my future students about this. These are young minds!

However.

In walks Dorian Visionheart Dyer. He painted this picture, which includes cameos from just about everything. If you are an eagle, you’re in there. If you’re a mountain, you’re in there. We’re all in there, because the whole universe is in there.

This is another picture of everything, but it’s just zoomed out a bit more. More eagles, more stars. A baby giggles playfully as butterflies lick his skin. A Native American astronaut draped in a fox skin space uniform. The snout of a disgusted buffalo warms the atmosphere of a small Indian village while a lion fires lasers from his incredible space necklace. A coyote arrives in New York City, only to find himself alone and unable to find a mate.

In this one, everything is happening all at once again. Thousands of supernovas, supervised by eagles and unicorns.

The only fault in this picture is that there are not orcas or turtles bathing in the serene ocean. If they were alive, they would plainly be right there basking in the glorious universe of things!

The look on that eagle’s face is so great. It’s like he’s saying, look what I’m hiding in my feathers… And then he holds out his hand and, look: it’s the whole universe again! Good to see ya! And with a brand-new dog’s head waterfall installed.

Clearly, space is the place. Check out what happens when hummingbirds suck on lightning. The lightning falls in love with a mountain and makes a perfect heart shape! Love is everywhere and people are having sex in a bunch of pipe smoke with the permission of a beautiful, white buffalo.

See, this is the kind of universe where I want to live. A universe where lots of things are happening. Not just a few things. But everything. At once. Happening on top of everything else. With much larger animals than we have.

And tons of constant supernovas, while not required, would be nice once in awhile!

See also: Ill Kids With Lots Of Wizards And Dead Astronauts On Their Hands Leo Helps Thirty Million Kids. The End.