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Swan (a Five-Minute Play for Twins Who Don't Have Their Other Twin With Them and An Unlimited Supply of Animals)

Swan: (holding up a detached finger) Is this yours?

Twin: No.

Swan: Are you sure? It's scorching hot.

(Twin thinks. Twin extracts a stack of 3" x 5" index cards from own pants pocket. Twin adeptly leafs through each card in the stack for three and five-quarter minutes. Twin arrives at a card and gasps.)

Twin: It's not a finger after all! It's a swan from Saturn! That's what they look like.

Swan: A swan? Can it be? I have waited my whole life to fall in love. But... why is it so hot?

(Twin wonders. Twin resumes flipping through his stack of index cards. For one-half minutes. Upon encountering the final card, Twin once again exhibits great shock and bewilderment.)

Twin: Our Saturnian swan is not hot in the least! It's applauding! That is part of its peculiar nature.

Swan: And you're sure it's not just a dismembered finger which has, until now, been basking in extreme sunlight?

(Twin tucks the deck of cards back into his pocket. The swan--along with any audience members seated nearest the actors--immediately notes the embroidered letters on Twin's pocket which read: Interstellar Swan Knowledge Banks (A Temporary Housing Facility).)

Twin: You see, the rest of Dr. Starr's assets are tied up in probate.

Swan: What luck.

by why the lucky stiff

june 9, 2005