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Kimothy's Mouth

Kimothy's mouth was a warp zone. Which meant that infrequently--gosh, let's say about as often as two archers dive into an ocean simultaneously--a pair of trousers or a coupon book or something would fly off her tongue. This even happened at church and at job interviews.

You should also know about one day in her history when a man dressed in radios all over ran up to her and said, "I need to deliver this Mondrian Cowl to the Dreyfrowns!" And he shoved a monkey statue in her mouth.

Okay, so get this. A little while later she was waiting for a friend, down in this hotel lobby. And she was looking around and she saw that same monkey statue over by the fireplace! The one for the Dreyfrowns.

She tucked her chin down and, very discreetly, nudged the monkey statue back into the fireplace. And, slowly, everso slowly, she let it topple out of her lips.

The rest of the afternoon Kimothy spent swallowing coins and watching hot nickels land on the feet of people who went to warm their hands. That is, until a guy with giraffe hands came out of her mouth and said, "Stop screwing with our warp zone!" and he slapped her a memorable number of times right on the forehead with his flattened palm.

by why the lucky stiff

march 9, 2005